The spiritual adventure I went on

Ayahuasca leaflet

Peru, December 2012

One of the things I have learnt as I have got older is that I like a challenge. It helps me to set goals and I enjoy working towards them. This particularly works in the "keeping fit" stakes for me.  If I set a challenge that is going to push me, it means I scare myself into doing it - hence planning to trek the Inca Trail to Machu Picchu in Peru with Elly. 

I met Elly on a girls surfing course in Croyde years back, when Louise and I hit the waves. Elly and Lorna were also there as a pair, and there was something really attractive about the pair of them - mainly their laughter i think, especially in light of Elly's poorly foot, she was still seeing the positive side of things - they showed good heart and Louise and I jumped at the chance of meeting them in the pub that evening.  A night at the Thatch in Croyde with 3 ladies who are darn good fun was fabulous!  I knew these ladies were keepers and i am so pleased that they are both still in my life.  We don't see each other often, but that doesn't matter, sometimes you just fall in love with someone because and you don't need to be there all the time. 

The whole trip to South America was not just about the trek though, there are so many ecosystems just within Peru that we wanted to travel around during the time we were there. We spent time at the beach, doing some surfing, in the City of Lima doing some sight seeing, of course trekking and also we went to the jungle to stay with my dear friend Caroline, who has now been living in Peru for about 5 years. Visiting her home in Tarapoto was an honour and a joy. Caroline and I became firm friends when at Highsted Grammar and she has always remained dear to me. We have our own trials and tribulations through life, but she has always been a loving soul and I hope I have been a touch of support to her that she has been to me. 

Tarapoto is the commercial center of the District and one of the larger metropolitan centers in the Amazon Rainforest.  Caroline has been doing a variety of work there - including legal translations, nature work and crystal healing and massages. Through her work with the massaging she has been working at a retreat HAMPICHICUY , (pronounced Hampi-chee-coo-ee), whose name in Quechua means "the place that heals" led by a native american shaman, Javier.

"Currently, the individual needs to "relearn" the manifestations of his conscious and unconscious, regain sensitivity to themselves, to their environment and awareness of the human condition that is linked recover their other senses to emotions, such as intuition and spirituality, so lacking in recent times."  Hampichicuy promotes spiritual development, taking in the world Indigenous Amazonian medicinal plant, an approach to the spiritual dimension that all living owns, develops and improves perceptions coexistence with the natural and social environment, generating communication and a balance between the rational and intuitive. Some of these medicinal plants are considered masterpieces "visionary" because while "cleanse" the body and "cure" the soul, reveal our essence as instinctive and intuitive sidelined by the intellect. They are also considered "sacred" because they represent the wisdom of various indigenous peoples and because through this know their traditional doctors have the "gift of healing".

With things that had happened to me over the last 6 years, I felt like I had lost a part of me, that it had shut down to block things out. I was aware that to "be" me , I needed to accept me, I just didn't know how to do it. Caroline, Elly and I spent many an hour discussing Ayahuasca, and how this may help me regain my own spiritual self as well as the scientific research that has links to altering genetic mutations... Since being diagnosed with Lynch Syndrome my fears of illness and death have elevated to levels that were affecting my every day. There were times when I began taking risks and trying to block pains out with alcohol and constantly being on the move, but this was taking its toll on me and becoming a vicious circle. I met Javier and we discussed the experience and it seemed right, albeit daunting... 

For centuries, Amazonian shamans have used ayahuasca as a window into the soul. The sacrament, they claim, can cure any illness. I had been struggling in my own body, not sure how to be Deborah, looking but seeing nothing,the idea of light seemed inconceivable. 

I purged... Never thought I would say I was in a room with a french man drinking a potion from berries that would make me vomit over 2 litres into flower pots... purging is to cleanse the soul, to be pure and hold no negativity before your experience. The ceremony began, 4 of us (and Caroline for translation). The shaman prayed, sang, smoked, covered us in tobacco smoke and then we drank.  I lay down, my mind swirling down a tunnel of light,oh the colors, the images, the things i saw! The emotional charge was high, especially some of my past that I saw, but it went, I SAW and more importantly LET it go.  I floated along the most beautiful colors and ribbons of light, I could feel the vision fading, i was returning to my body, in  a hut, in the jungle. A shaman smiling peacefully at me.

All the while Elly was watching Pirates of the Carribean eating cheetos, a night i would have liked too! 

Many things I learnt from this experience, that are too personal to say, and this experience was all natural and STRICTLY controlled. No illegal drugs were taken, nothing I did was damaging to my body or mind or breaking any laws. I will share with you, that in my opinion, the spirit and soul are precious, look after them and nurture them so that you can be true to yourself, because then you will find peace. 

The mountain I climbed

Challenge yourself...

October 2011

"Kilimanjaro. The name itself is a mystery wreathed in clouds. It might mean Mountain of Light, Mountain of Greatness or Mountain of Caravans. Or it might not. The local people, the Wachagga, don't even have a name for the whole massif, only Kipoo (now known as Kibo) for the familiar snowy peak that stands imperious, overseer of the continent, the summit of Africa.

Kilimanjaro, by any name, is a metaphor for the compelling beauty of East Africa. When you see it, you understand why. Not only is this the highest peak on the African continent; it is also the tallest free-standing mountain in the world, rising in breathtaking isolation from the surrounding coastal scrubland – elevation around 900 metres – to an imperious 5,895 metres (19,336 feet)."

http://www.tanzaniaparks.com/kili.html

So, what else would you do with a mountain like this? Well.. Climb it!

In my official remission year, to make sure mentally I knew that bowel cancer had NOT beaten me, I want to do something BIG. So found a mountain!

I got myself so excited looking at challenges that my friends Sarah and Clare decided they were going to join me - for what was originally planned as trekking the Inca Trail in Peru (later this happened the Christmas of 2012) changed to climbing Kili due to the organisers not having enough people for Peru. It was very humbling to realise that I have friends that were willing to cross the world, take on a challenge and spend pocket money for a charity that I really believed in.  Friends are what makes your life valuable so don't forget them. 

It was a very scary prospect, and I remember shaking as I rang my parents to tell them when I had booked it. Mother was a little dissappointed when she realised my big news was not that I was pregnant! The trek took loads of effort & training before we even left the UK - it meant long walks, finding hills and going up and down them repeatedly (there are not that many big hills in Kent) and basically pulling on my hiking boots whenever I had the chance. This did however, lead me to realise that I enjoy walking - it gives me quiet time, time to think, reflect and work through things that in the normal day to day life we may not have time for. Life is so very busy, remember to take time to "stop and smell the roses"

It also wiped out my bank account, but I figured I would have spent an equivalent amount of money on a beach holiday so it was not totally extravagant.  It genuinely was one of the hardest physical & mental challenges I have ever experience. But also one of the best things I have ever done in my life, and wouldn't change a thing! Family Kili together created such an amazing life experience.

A group of people from different walks of life, with their own reasons for the challenge, came together as a nervous bunch stood in Heathrow departures, but by dinner time in Africa we were all engaging and getting on well, raring to go the next day to climb the Machame Route

The Machame Route climb can be done in a minimum of six days (five nights) on the mountain. The trek begins at Machame Gate, located in the southern base of mountain, within its lush, fertile rainforest. The route heads toward the Shira Plateau, before circling along the southern circuit halfway around the mountain, exposing the climber to great views from all angles. The approach to the summit is made from the east, and the descent follows the Mweka trail. The Machame Route is approximately 62 km/37 miles from gate to gate. It is designed for physically fit people with some hiking experience. It was tough.

Support came from virtual strangers; we bolstered each other when we struggled. We cuddled each other when we cried. We laughed with each other when we succeeded. Getting to the point when you physically and mentally think you cannot carrying on - but holding hands and keeping on moving created feelings of great satisfaction and achievement. I was also supported by Vicki - who researched the route and wrote me notes to open for every day of the trek. Motivational letters to keep me going and help my morale. Accompanied by a little doggie teddy from Lennon, who was there to look after me. Apparently Postman Pat was too precious to come ;)These were so thoughtful and kind that they took my breath away. 

You can achieve most things that you really want to kids, so never be too scared to try.  I mean don't try to fly with your arms as wings, that won't happen. But most things are definitely worth a go. 

The unexpected Titanic experience

Trip "home" to Ireland

Summer 2001

Wondering where to go on vacation, my (then) husband and I decided it was time I visited Ireland.  My mothers side of the family originate from Ireland, yet I had never been.  My maternal Grandmother was so very proud of her Irish heritage and had once started writing a book about her family, telling tales of her Grandfather and Father when they lived in Brandon, Co Kerry   I do not know where this manuscript has ended up following the loss of May and Roy Tomalin, I must ask my mother... 

Our friends Debbie and James decided to join us, and so off we flew for a week away in the Emerald Isle.

As soon as we landed, something just felt "right". It sounds an odd thing to say, but feelings are often hard to explain, in reasoning and in words.  Just know this, if it feels right it normally is.  There is something to be said for gut instinct too, go with it!

We enjoyed a lovely time travelling throughout South West Ireland, including kissing the Blarney , travelling to Brandon village to stand on the pier that my Great Great Grandpappy built, playing with the Dingle Bay Dolphin and mixing with the locals in the bars drinking Smethwicks - Now there is a nice beer! (are you all over 18 yet?!)

We visited Cork one day and just hit the road in a hired car, not knowing or really caring where we were going.  We saw a beautiful church spire so decided to stop for lunch and a walk, at the time not realising that we were coming across the old White Star Line ticket office, where the RMS Titanic docked.  

RMS Titanic, built at the Harland and Wolfe shipyard in Belfast Ireland, undertook her first and only voyage in April 1912. She was marketed as the biggest and most luxurious liner to date. Ironically she was deemed to be one of the safest ships afloat. Cobh, her last port of call, was called Queenstown at the time. The last passengers to board the ship for its intended journey to New York boarded there. Of the one hundred and twenty three who did so, only forty four survived. Today, the original buildings, streets and piers of a century ago are still standing.  Having anchored briefly at the entrance to Cork harbour to transfer her passengers and mail to and from Cobh, Titanic set sail on what became one of the most notorious maritime stories of tragedy. The ship struck an iceberg on the night of April 14th 1912 and foundered with the loss of over 1500 passengers early on the morning of the 15th.

It was a slightly eerie, yet fascinating feeling being on the dock that held this glorious "unsinkable" ship next to her, and we really enjoyed the museum that was next to the bar. I've always been interested in the story of the Titanic and more so, of it's passengers, the people that were on board, unaware that they were facing one of history's greatest tragedy's.  Subsequently in 2012 Debbie and I visited the Titanic exhibition in London together.

All in all I found this trip to Ireland emotionally bonding with a Grandmother who was sadly no longer with me, but it bought a closeness to my roots. Never forget your roots, they are what make you who you are. 

The Wedding where I knew 2 people

Dee and Jay's love heart sweets

18th June 2011

Dee was at school with Jay and they were put back in touch via social media, and realised that they still had a lot in common with each other. 

They both have families from previous marriages and whilst eventually their lives panned out nicely, there was a lot to endure. They stuck with it, and persevered  because they knew that ultimately they made each other happy.

The one thing I noticed about when I saw Dee after her and Jay became an "item" was how happy she was, I mean you could see it in her eyes kind of happy. Seeing any friend like this just really warms the heart. 

I was invited to their wedding, and knew Dee and another mutual friend Claire. I was hesitant about going, as its never fun to the the "single one " at parties, let alone a wedding. When Claire said her husband couldn't make it, we decided that we would be each others dates, and she was always going to be a good date, she is lots of fun and a joy to have in my life. Because we didn't know anyone we HAD to make the effort to get to know the people on our table, and because we made so much effort we had really good fun.  We played ice breaker games going round the table and ended up giggling a lot as the stories we were telling were the ones where something really stupid/risque/embarrassing happened, as these people were not going to judge us - they didn't know us, we didn't know them and we are unlikely to ever meet again. Claire and I were happy sharing stuff with each other as we have a mutual respect for our confidences.

The result was, after the Wedding Breakfast, people actually came over as they wanted to join the "cool table" - hilarious, Claire and I were stunned, we had never been called cool in our lives (well i hadn't!).

I knew two people, yet I spent the day and evening with a group of people that made me laugh so much that my sides hurt the next morning. 

So kids, remember : genuine happiness comes from within - you need to feel it to know it is real. You need to believe that you are worth happiness, as you can never turn back time. Take the chances that will make you happy and do it in way that doesn't hurt anyone ; and be yourself - if someone doesn't like you, move on, it is a big world out there. You can only ever be yourself, and you will find that life is so much more fun when you are

The festival wedding weekend

My Personalised flower garland...

May Bank Holiday weekend 2013

This is the newest addition to my memory box, fresh from the rolling hills of Cilgerran in West Wales last weekend.  I was invited to the wedding of Darren and Zoe, which involved staying on site at an eco camp, and being involved in a "festival wedding", and honored to have done a reading for the happy couple.  

I first met Darren when I moved to America in 1998, as part of my placement year for my BSc Hons degree course at Sheffield Hallam University. I moved out to Stamford, Connecticut to work at Woodway Country Club in the summer. Although I felt I was quite independent at the grand ol' age of 21, moving myself to the USA was quite a big step for me. 

I think I got my independent streak from my Nanna Ward, and I thank her for it, as it has taken me to some amazing places. (Yes, it has also taken me to some risky places too!)  

My flight landed, my pick up was late and I sat on my ruck sack with my closest possessions and wondered if I would make it through the year. My pick up eventually arrived very flustered and took me to the main club and the first thing I was offered was a tour of the grounds.  The club was a lovely place and the golf grounds were expertly kept, and this made the initial fear of being alone fade a bit, surely somewhere so beautiful will be surrounded by nice people!  I turn around and am faced with a (very) blond haired young chap, in his blue shorts, smart top and deck shoes (oh how we all eventually laughed at the deck shoes) and was told that "Darren" would take me out and about. Great stuff. I wont tell them that I am absolutely shattered from travelling, and that I feel rather scared of being here not knowing anyone. Instead, I hop in the golf cart that appears from no where, pull on my sunglasses and wait for my tour.  My poor eyes were so sore from crying when I left my friends and family at home, and red from lack of sleep, I thought putting on my sunglasses would hide that.  Combined with my "aloofness" (my shyness, that once you get to know me you will be surprised to know I experience) apparently Darren thought I was a pretty cool chick... 

From that moment we got on. 

The life in the USA with Darren and the rest of the Woodway gang involved working hard and playing harder, at a very influential time in our lives.  Sure, we were all away from home at University, but we could go home whenever we wanted to. Now we were over 8 hours flight away from a London airport and in it together. The gang became a very important part of my world, and continue to be so.

Apart from Darren (well, it was his wedding after all!) there were 5 of us from Woodway, all burning down sharing a threepi tent for the festival wedding weekend, with no partners. This meant we really got to catch up with each other and relive so many fond and quite frankly, bloody hilarious, memories...
The wedding was over the whole weekend, making sure that Darren and Zoe got to spend quality time with the people they wanted to share this experience with. It was great to get there and end up paddling a canoe for an afternoon with Sarah and Darren McKay, sharing an open oven baked pizza with the rest of the gang when they arrived, Duncan and Mikey. It was great to see the couple so relaxed in their surroundings and embracing the love being showered their way.   As you can see the wedding day was full on, but WHAT a day, we made so many friends and had so much fun. 

An amazing weekend where I spent time making more memories with some fabulous people

Why am I telling you about my will?

So, I needed to update my will seeming as I have now grown up... (apparently)

When I was going through my will I realised that I don't have a lot of possessions, that what I value the most are the memories of the good times I have experienced.

Material possessions do not give me that much pleasure  I don't mind not having the latest gadgets, clothes or other such stuff.  What I do spend my money and time on is making and enjoying life experiences, ideally with people who I care about.

Like most people girls, I have a memory box.  As I am leaving my house (probably the one thing I do own) to my nephew, niece and godchildren, I decided a blog was a good way to work my way through my memory box and explain why things were in there and what they meant to me. This way, I hope that I leave the little people with insights into a life that has adventure, caring, love and above all respect that people are more important than things.

It is a big box. This could take a while...